Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
