you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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