I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
