Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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