My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
