i just had sex bonerless
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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