Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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