It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
