Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
