That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
