All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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