It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
