When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
