I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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