you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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