i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
