She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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