worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
