In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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