He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
