then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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