I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
