just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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