Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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