I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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