"it" just moved
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
