We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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