She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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