i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize