On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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