So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
