Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
