Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
