Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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