He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Randomize
