I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
