My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
