i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
People in love make me want to vomit
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
