That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
