Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
