What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize