That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
