Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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