i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
