It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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