I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
