Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
