Do you still have your period?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
