I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
