So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
