I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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