You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
