You work out of a Hotel?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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