You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
