That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
