I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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