I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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