My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
