did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think brook has ever known best
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
