not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
