I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
