I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
