Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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