Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
