can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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