Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
