My brain says no but my pants say off.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
