The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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