My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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